So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
