my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
