Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.

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(517): View more from Michigan

at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.

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(907): View more from Alaska

We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

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(909): View more from California

i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on

(901): View more from Tennessee

continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way

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(865): View more from Tennessee

It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.

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(989): View more from Michigan

She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.

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