Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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