In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
