PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So squirting runs in the family.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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