if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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