hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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