My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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