shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
