i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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