i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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