I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think I just sharted jello shots
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
