she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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