if you like me you must not know who I am
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
