On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
