watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
