you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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