I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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