thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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