Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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