I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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