i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
People in love make me want to vomit
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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