Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
