Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
