I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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