I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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