Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
