I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
