i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
