she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
