Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
