PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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