Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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