I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think people are normalizing furries
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
