is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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