I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
