I heard we made out
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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