Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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