During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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