i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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