4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
