This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
