My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
