What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
