I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
