real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
