I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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