im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
