Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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