Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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