at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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