i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
