Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
