it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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