It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
