New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
