my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
third nipple confirmed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
