There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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