Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I touched a dick in church today
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
