i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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