And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
