she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
