Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
grandma shit on top of the toilet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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