plz talk dirty to me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
