I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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