I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize