eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
