Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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