I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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