Someone shit on the floor
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am available for nakedness
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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