also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
