I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
