i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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