you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
