im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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