Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
