In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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