Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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