i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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