I heard we made out
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
